I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
