OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
