I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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