theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
