Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize