the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
