She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
