how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
