My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
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Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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