i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
