The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
