New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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