I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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