if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
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promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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