the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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