I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
