I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize