They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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