So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
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I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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