I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
