the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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