You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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