it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
