My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
