Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
