My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
