This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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