I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
