Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
