It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
