so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Im part way to drunk.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
