I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
