Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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