I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We left the knife in your bed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
