hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
