I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
