Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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