im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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