Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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