My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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