1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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