i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
