Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
