I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Its about making memories worth repressing
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
