I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Screwed.edu
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize