i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
