Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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