Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
