I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
this beer tastes like vomit already
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
