So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
