Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
