I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
