so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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