when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
