So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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