So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
