just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
