yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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