I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
