Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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