I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
