I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
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theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
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I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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