the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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