I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
