You work out of a Hotel?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
