The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
