Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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