i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Will exercising make me less horny?
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